Guys, I don’t like to complain, but… Actually that’s probably a bit of a lie. I’m kind of a complainer. But I’d still like to think of myself as a more positive than negative person, but I’m over it. Just. Over. It.
What’s interesting is that this pregnancy has probably been my easiest, physically. I had the hemorrhage early on, but it resolved. And I’ve had [a normal amount of] nausea/vomiting, but no hospitalizations or IV fluids, but mentally/emotionally every day is kind of getting harder. Because of my history, I get more frequent monitoring, which seems like it would be reassuring, but honestly, for me, it just seems like a million more opportunities for them to find something wrong.
Around 18 weeks, the office called to tell me that baby boy had a very high risk of neural tube defects. Weeeelllll, apparently that was only because a lab tech input Alfie’s death as a neural tube defect, which it wasn’t. So once that got cleared up, all results appeared normal, which is great, but that was not a fun couple of days. The anatomy scan at 20 weeks looked absolutely perfect, and I had a really blissful couple of weeks where I allowed myself to finally get excited.
Then I had my 1 hour glucose screening test, which I failed, so I had to take the 3 hour diagnostic test. Except I puked and fainted 17 minutes after drinking the liquid, so I couldn’t complete the test and spent a few days convinced I had gestational diabetes (not the end of the world, but still a risk factor for things like stillbirth, which is absolutely the last thing I can tolerate hearing right now). Well my midwives just had me check my blood sugar 4x a day for a week instead, and it turns out I do not have diabetes. Wonderful.
At the same time, I had my 28 week growth ultrasound required by the perinatologists and they found out baby boy’s kidneys are enlarged, the left one much more so than the right one. The midwives explained it might just be a fluke, and the scan caught the baby at a weird time, holding his pee in or something. So they scheduled a follow up ultrasound at 32 weeks, which I just had this morning. Well his left kidney is still significantly enlarged, so there is an issue with it, but it will hopefully resolve itself sometime in the first year of life.
So for now, they’ll likely do one more ultrasound before birth because kidney issues can cause amniotic fluid issues, and then he’ll need frequent monitoring and routine ultrasounds after birth to check to see if its resolving, and worst case, if it doesn’t resolve in the first year, he may need a surgery to fix it. All in all, obviously it could be something a lot worse, but my mind is really in a state where every little thing feels huge and significant and unfair. I’ve only got 7 more weeks left, give or take, and honestly everything scares me right now. Everything. It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t been through it, but I really lost trust in my body. Like, in my mind, he doesn’t feel safe in there, even though rationally I understand he’s growing as he should be. I just really need to see him and touch him with my own hands to know that he’s really okay, I think.
Oh, and because he’s stubborn like every other member of his family, baby has been persistently breech since 26/27 weeks, despite my efforts via spinningbabies.com. Next step is acupuncture & moxibustion to try to get him to flip, but I’m already preparing for nothing to work out on that end either.
Alas, here are some more light-hearted updates and another bathroom selfie for you all to enjoy.
Weeks along: 32 weeks, 4 days
Weight gain: 17lbs
Cravings: All the sweet things. Please send me all your chocolate, thank you.
Symptoms: Heartburn (Apparently you should cut out chocolate to help relieve that. Not happening). Also I now move with the grace of a super old elephant combined with a penguin. And reaching my feet to put on socks and shoes is becoming a bit more difficult.
Working out: Now means waddling myself around Green Lake. It’s a very slow 3.5 miles from my front door, around the lake, and back, but I figure it’s better than nothing.
Baby’s name: Has been agreed upon!
What Cormac thinks: He thinks baby brother is either a body part that refers generally to your torso, or that “baby brother” is mom’s “other name.” So yeah, he’s in for a bit of a surprise.
What’s left to do: Find a pediatrician (Cormac uses a family doc, but since we’re looking at future ultrasounds and follow ups, we’d rather find a dedicated pediatrician this time), buy a car seat, hang some curtains and art in the nursery.
We’re in the home stretch! (At least that’s what I keep repeating to myself)